Whenever a divorce takes it is a major tragedy and a cause of major stress.

This life changing storm that can leave you feeling spent, angry, bitter, worthless, raging, vengeful, suicidal or make you do things to yourself that you may later come to regret.

Suddenly you find yourself alone and on your own trying to deal with various issues such as keeping up the mortgage payment, raising the kids alone, paying school fees, having to downsize or upsize your career options, cut back on your lifestyle choices, face the world alone, cope with loneliness, lose your house or even be forced to sell it...

All these things can/may turn you towards all the wrong things in a desperate attempt to cope. Many women begin to experience weight problems, stress, excessive fear and a foreboding sense of gross insecurity.

No doubt all these can be overwhelming and painful to deal with. They are also damaging choices you should try your best to avoid, despite feeling like 'I don't care right now!', because you will later when left to deal with the consequences! So beloved listen carefully....

1. Having indiscriminate sex.
Do not allow your wounded emotions to drive you into the arms of the next waiting man for sex. You don't have to sleep with another man - engage in an adulterous or illicit affair with a married man, co-worker, casual acquaintance, neighbor, friend or any other man for that matter! - to restore your wounded pride or convince yourself that you are still desirable. Fight the urge to engage in sex for the heck of it. You are worth more than that!

2. Unprotected sex.
Besides the obvious dangers of unprotected sex leaving you vulnerable to HIV-AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, you are in an emotionally fragile place. Sex cannot fill the void you are feeling within. You are worth far more than that! So think deeply before risking unprotected sex during or straight after a divorce. You WILL regret it!

3. Drinking heavily and Drunk driving:
Drinking will NOT make you feel better, secured, resolved, loved or healed. It is the wrong answer to your problems right now. If you were drinking before, slow it down. If you were never a drinker but just feeling low right now, DO NOT embrace the bottle as a substitute for talking out your feelings. If you are a driver, you don't need anyone to tell you it is unwise, unsafe and against the law, so DON'T do it!

4. Turning to drugs:
Some women have regrettably resorted to the use of drugs such as Marijuana, cocaine, LSD, amphetamines, opium, speed, sleeping pills, Valium, anti-depressants. These addictions all begin slowly, under the false illusion that the addict is really the one in control. A woman who is lacking self-confidence and worth may mistakenly think that she can overcome the lure of a heavy addiction, but the opposite is often true. Listen, this pain is temporary! It will eventually fade. ''Drugs are not the answer!'' Drugs and their side effects can make you ill, disoriented, unable to cope, or at their worst suicidal. Don't seek comfort in taking drugs to numb your pain.

5. Sleeping with you ex-partner/husband:
Don't fall so low as to go back to your abuser for sex or think you can use sex to make him stop abusing you, love you or want you back. You will only get hurt more. You have to dig deep inside for strength and the prayer power to redefine your future. You are an overcomer! You can start afresh again without going back to him. You will only fall even lower than you have and get abused more than you already have.

6. Do not neglect your kids:
Your children are the greatest victims of your divorce. If you escaped from an abusive relationship, in the same way they were victims or witnesses of the abuse at home in the past. A good Mom will need help to make sure her children get the proper counselling. They will need to express their feelings in a safe environment and also need your strength and support. Whilst you experienced the physical pain of the abuse, they will be carrying a lot of emotional and mental scars. Try to focus on giving your child/children a happy new life, not by spoiling them but by being honest with them, talking to them and making them share in some of the decision making process for your futures.

You will need to stay close and know where your kids are and watch out for the longer term effects of trauma. But you cannot do it on your own! Contact your local Domestic Violence helplines or resources to point you in the right direction. The children are not only the future, but your first priority.

7. Avoid wasteful spending:
The last thing you want to do right now is start spending money wastefully to make yourself or your children feel better. You can't buy back your happiness - clothes, shoes, handbags or 'stuff' will not help you feel any more worthy. This is a time to get more responsible. Save your money. You and your kids will need it, especially now. Cut down on all spending, if you have any left - avoid all credit card purchases, plan your budget and remember to assess your situation financially. Avoid unreasonable borrowing and above all don't drain what is left of your savings. Finances may once have been your partner's responsibility, but now you need to take the lead.

This too shall pass!
Your life isn't over, this is just a new beginning for you. Changing the negative tape that repeats itself in your mind can change how you physically feel.

Above all, remember: God Loves You and You are Precious! [Isaiah 43v4]