Can you share your pain? Do you willingly give it to Jesus and allow Him to show you how to grieve? Or do you keep your pain clutched to your chest and hold tight to it? Are you afraid you will lose something if you turn the pain over to God? Sister, if you answered ‘yes’ to these questions, you are NOT alone!
As women, we tend to guard our emotions. We are willing to share them with a close friend, a pastor, sometimes a complete stranger, but we sometimes cannot bring ourselves to give the pain to Jesus and let Him heal us. There are points when I have opened my heart just enough to show Christ my pain, and I have asked Him to help me get through it, but I was so afraid of what I would lose by relinquishing my control over my pain that I lost focus of the freedom that comes with letting go.
Three years ago, I lost one of the dearest friends I had. Since the summer I was fourteen, Joshua was there. He was the person I confided in, the first boy I held hands with, the first boy I kissed, and as we grew older, he was the man I saw myself marrying. When he was diagnosed with stomach cancer, I felt as though my world was crashing down. After a couple years of fighting the battle, Joshua announced he would be healed the next morning. I prayed for physical healing. I begged God not to take my dear friend, not to leave me alone here without him. I pleaded and cried and tried to bargain with my Lord. I refused to trust that God’s plans for Joshua and his situation were greater than any plans I made for him, and I didn’t want to believe that God had a bigger and better plan for my life than to be Joshua’s wife. When Joshua praised God for all He had blessed him with, I began to feel angry. I felt betrayed by God and by Joshua; I couldn’t understand how he could accept the prospect of leaving this world – of leaving me!
Needless to say, our amazing Lord carried out His plans. It was time to call his servant home. Joshua praised the Lord and cried out to Him with his last breath. I still didn’t get it! Yes, sister, I refused to hear what our Father was telling me! I took my little bag of hurt and I tucked it away in my pocket. I halfheartedly asked God to take away the pain, but instead of giving it to Him, I kept it. I was afraid of losing more of my friend if I let God have the pain I felt at my loss, so I bottled it up. I held it deep in my pocket and I couldn’t even find the courage to reach for it.
I lived like that for two years. I never grieved properly for my friend, I never allowed God to fill me with the peace and the freedom that came with allowing Him to heal me. I was too afraid of what I would go through if I allowed Christ to teach me to mourn, so I tried to hide my grief from myself. Have you ever done that? Yes, darling sister, you are not alone! The one certainty is that, we cannot hide. Our beloved Father still reaches out to us. He knows all the things we hide in our hearts, and He still wants to make us whole. Our Lord does not cover our wounds with bandages as we try to do. He heals; He restores; He renovates our hearts and He alone takes our pain and our fears and gives us peace, joy and hope. Yes, dear lady, there is hope! His word tells us in Matthew 11:29-30
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
